Artist's Work

                Now for a second, let’s shut down everything around us except for this page. Shut down your Facebook, Twitter, music player (unless you want to listen to some soothing music, I suggest rainfall), cell phone. You name it and it is right by you, shut it off. Done? Excellent well let us begin at the beginning of the story.

                It is not every day that we sit down by the meadows of the wild forests where the trees meet the sky and where the clouds tough the tops. And it seems like there is not ending to the view. The fresh smell of pine and the first drops of morning dew on the grass. Let us not forget the chirping of the small birds waiting for their mothers to feed them from the fresh food with they have captured for their young ones. The bees which are buzzing around, searching for flowers to pollinate so when you get home you can enjoy the delicious taste of freshly made honey by the elderly folk which live down the street from your home. And now, let’s take you, and lets imagine for a second that you are sitting down on mossy ground right next to the pine trees in the forest just as the sun is about to come for the very first day of summer. It is rather chilly and you are wearing a jacket however as the sun comes higher and higher, it gets warmer and warmer and you realize that the jacket is pointless considering, it is the first day of summer. And despite what you have going on at home, despite what your brothers and sisters and friends or family have to say about you. You are in your sanctuary. Sitting alone and contemplating about anything you really want. However, on this particular day you decide to think about how small you are. As a person you imagine the world and how much of it you have seen. How many different people you have encountered, and what life means to you considering you are like a small particle of the universe. Meaningless, yet for some reason you are important on this day.

                It surly is not your birthday because that was a while go as you recall. What you do know however is that there is love involved somehow. You have come to love something about your life; and want to improve yourself. You have come to the realization that this feeling is like gold, it is a true feeling of happiness. Something that every day you never feel, yet here, sitting by this tree surrounded by purity and nature you are happy, truly happy. Yet for some reason you cannot determine this reason. And let’s take this a step further and put you in an even better state of mind. You realize that summer does not last forever however you reflect upon your memories. When you were just starting Elementary School and now you have finally come to the conclusion of your Senior year in High School and are ready to move on. Life is about to bring change to you. You are scared, however at the same moment you realize how happy this makes you. Especially after being stuck in an apartment with your parents where the only thing you ever saw were the four walls. Does this not make you happy? The fact that change is about to come? Of course it is. I mean sure it is scary at first but to learn means to experience. To pursue that which you seek means to go through trial and error and come to a greater conclusion about concepts and actions which to you at one point in time seemed ridiculous. Unimaginable might have been the word you use. Yet, here you are, sitting under a maple tree in the middle of the forest in your own oasis thinking about all this. And you wonder. What made me change like this? What is it about me that people like and what people hate? And why do I happen to be the person that I am the way I am? All these questions are unanswerable to you, yet you seem to be curious and curiosity raises awareness. Then just as suddenly as those thoughts came, you forget why you even contemplate such a ridiculous idea.  Friends, family and co-workers all like you for different reasons. You start to feel a warmth in your hear about these feelings.

                Despite the cold air, you are warm you are invigorated to move on in life. Yet, one more thing comes to your mind. Why are you sitting under this tree alone… Well scientifically we could go into quantum mechanics and how matter can exist only at one point in a space at a time and no two objects can ever occupy the same space… However, you are away from that world right now for a reason, math science and learning is the reason you are here. To forget the theories and theorems which fantastic teachers have provided you with. You are in this place and time to turn off your cell phone, turn off that Jon Bon Jovi which has been stuck in your head for the past five months. And you are here to enjoy something which most of us have forgotten. Or rather, the more correct statement is, chose to ignore. You are here to enjoy tranquility which nature provides you with. A place where the judgment is not someone’s condescending remarks. But rather your own decisions on what you do and what you make of yourself of this day and time.

                You turn off your phone, you ignore all calls from breakfast to lunch to supper to dinner and then you realize that the sun is almost about to set. Makes you think, why did I just spend my time sitting here contemplating all of this when I could have been enjoying a nice, warm meal at home. But the longest day of the year, you wanted to make sure you did something more than just worked, you wanted to make sure you accomplished something in your life.  Something that perhaps does not measure success, instead a personal harmony, which you have sought for the past 18 years of your life. It is on this day you decide to change things about you. It is here and now that you decide that perhaps it is time you take some control. And as you are walking to the woods for one last look at the shore before you depart these woods you look out at the setting sun.

                When you first came out here as a kid you start to reminisce on everything: the world, the people, and the love which captured you. The very first moments that you will always remember and the very same way you came here for the first time you wanted sure to say goodbye to all those memories. You wanted to make sure to thank everything around you the proper way. The memories and the kindness which it has given you, you wanted to make sure it got them back the same way it gave them to you. As you sit down on the stone wall in front of the little cottage to look at this one last sunset. You look at the blue to yellow to red to orange to purple to indigo to black sky. Meanwhile, the seagulls fly away into the distance, the birds try to find trees to perch on. The sun radiates its last beams of the longest day of the year. Your feet dug into the warm sand. The ocean waves crashing as a slight breeze blows the wakes into the shore as you smell the fresh breeze coming from both the pine in the forest and the salt from the ocean. And you ponder. When will you ever see this place again? Perhaps never or perhaps just like you were brought here when you were little you will return with your own little kids. To make them experience that which brought happiness to you to remind them that not everything which we see is just computers. That nature, love and happiness still exist. And perhaps the next time you are here it will not be just you. Perhaps it will be you and your wife or girlfriend or fiance without the child. Perhaps this is where you will chose to relive your memories…

                Anyway, I hate to cut a beautifully woven story short but it brings me to the final point of this. Despite what you go through despite all the inconsistencies and the bullies and people that we deal with. There is always time to reflect upon happiness. There is always time to find love. If love was so easy it would not have any effect on us, however finding love finding happiness is what makes us human. It is what makes us realize how lucky we are to have each other in times. It makes us realize what makes us, us. Life is beautiful and it does not matter if right now you have some darker tones because an artist’s pallet does not just consist of black and white. What it does consist of are several colors and sometimes you have to play with them to paint your own beautiful picture.

                We are all artists of life, we are all artists of love. And we are all here to make a mural that will create who we are, despite the darker tones sometimes which we mix. Because to make mistakes is to learn. To live and experience is to learn. And to fall down and come back up is to live, a life. Something that is more than just beautiful. It is what you paint it to be despite any tribulations which you may come through. You paint your own image and the people around you are just influences and we all learn from each other to paint our own self-portraits, our murals. Which someday others will be lucky enough to see and to learn just like you did. 

College Rant

Today I will be lazy and to all of you out there I will share something I wrote to a prestigious school and see what I received as a response. Of course I received a generic answer, however this was not the point of the essay in the end. Also this relates to directly about my thoughts about college in general. A topic which I would like to hold off till another time. - Yours Truly, Enjoy

                 To Whom Ever This Letter May Concern,

                                I am writing this letter on the behalf of myself and nobody else to express not a plea, rather an interest in the institution of education. I want to recognize the diligence of what your school has accomplished over the years which it has been educating the young and the old brilliant minds as well as the people that come out of these institutions. Men and women who do not just see dreams in their own future but rather create them themselves to become more than just members of a society whom are useless and unthankful but rather those that help out others, may it be doctors, veterinarians, psychologists, educators and scientists which create a better world for us every day.

                As a student I want to admit that what I have done academically I should not be proud of and first and formally I should admit my flaws. Despite hardships faced along my high school career between family life, and school as well as a business which has helped out my family over the past three years. I do not want to make any excuses while I am writing this letter. I want to make out something which is very important to me and express it to you. As a person I believe educating and exploring your limits is the most important part of life, as humans we have no limits as long we do not place any upon ourselves. Every excuse and every downfall which occurs is self-brought because we can always pick ourselves up. However priorities do arise far and in between, sometimes school work has to be put off to help family especially in troubled times. Although education is something you always pursue. As a human I have never learned based on my successes but upon my failures what is right based on what I have done wrong. That is how I was raised and how I was taught.

                It has been my dream, wait not just a dream, a place that, as a person I wanted to reach whether it may have been education, a career, a running business; no matter what it was they were never dreams they are goals which I will accomplish despite challenges presented. What to me it seems that getting into a successful college it takes is either parents with a lot of money or parents who work at these universities. Those students with a lot of money have an advantage they do not have to worry about whether they will be on the street the next day or whether they will have something to eat.  They can go out there and spend $2,000 on a study session with a private tutor to teach them how to ace the SATs or if they need help with other studies. Majority of those who are in that situation though do not seem to care about their future or the next day however, there are those like myself who legitimately care. However presented with certain situations education becomes less important and focusing on supporting your own family becomes a priority. It is my question to you to ask what admissions seek in a student. Is it someone who is successful in their high school career? If so what do you define success by? Perhaps for a student they are successful at the point where they are pursuing an education despite grades despite challenges where sometimes you will receive an F in a class only to learn what you did wrong. Do you measure success in terms of grades? Because if that is so than in richer towns kids who are valedictorian and salutatorians  majority of the time they have never put themselves outside their comfort zone. They can make the time to study however there are those that still want the education which the others receive and cannot pursue it; it is not fair to them. Yes, life is not fair, I have heard that millions of times. However, those who advocate for themselves should be given a chance despite the fact. Just because I was not always successful in school does not mean I should be given less of a chance than someone who was. Why should College Board Org. or my grades describe me as a person? Why cannot be myself and those whom I have worked for as well helped that advocate for me instead. Why can I not advocate for myself and be given a chance to go to a prestigious school such as yours. What makes me different? The constitution says, “Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness…” what if to me my pursuit of happiness is seeking an education in a school of my choice.

                Nevertheless, what is more intriguing to me that grades also never show a student’s potential or intelligence. Sure anyone can sit down and memorize a whole bunch of vocabulary words and formulas for a test and do well on that test. However, not everyone tests well. My SAT scores do not reflect my intelligence with three languages, Polish, English and Spanish, behind my belt and I am working on a fourth, Russian, and with a low 1570 for an SAT score. How does that reflect anything? The answer it does not. Perhaps I am being a bit too cocky right now and perhaps I am making this too long. As a university you should understand the importance of what I am saying and the failures of your system. Perhaps using me as a prime example is a bad idea, however it drives the point that there are many others like me. Who are willing to learn and want to pursue something but universities such as yours only give that opportunity to those who have parents who can either afford it or are somehow connected to the schools.

                 Your answer to me might be, in words such as “thank you for writing to us, we will take your words into consideration” however to me that is the most ignorant thing anyone could say. That is pretty much giving a nice thank you for your opinion however; we really do not care what you have to say to us because you are just one person.  I was always taught that one person has the power to change the outcome of anything as long as they put their mind to it. That is exactly what I am planning on doing with this letter. If one letter is not good enough, perhaps I should ask those who believe in me and trust in me that I can make any dream come true to advocate for me. However this is a start and I am responsible for my own actions. There are plenty of other universities out there yes I know, however the reason I am writing to yours is to recognize the importance which you have had in my life. Something which I have strived for many years and yet even when faced bumps along the way which hindered me from successfully accomplishing certain goals I have never given up on anything. 

                Despite my low GPA in school I always work hard pursuing Advanced Placement courses even though I knew I could achieve A’s in regular level courses to me what mattered more is the education; the motivation to learn more and accomplish more to satisfy my own hunger for knowledge.  It is my desire to finish a Ph. D and to seek answers to question which some of our greatest geniuses like Einstein or Hawking could not answer and too look further and beyond the horizon of limitation because like Calculus has taught me, for certain ideas the limit does not exist or if it does it goes on to infinity, which is not just a number but a place where we strive to reach for.

                I have always been taught from my business and from people that writing letters is sometimes the most personal way of reaching out toward something you truly believe in. That is why this letter is not a plea but rather a form of advocacy for me and others who are mute and wish to be heard to recognize us. Despite the fact that we may not be the valedictorians, despite the fact that we have not accomplished great things yet, and despite the fact that sometimes potential is wasted especially in times like ours were college is not affordable to those who had to change priorities just to survive. 

                Along the way I have be focusing on one question, “what is the bravest thing you have ever done?” my answer to that is, wrote a letter to a prestigious college such as yours not just to be acknowledged but at least be heard from the ones that are mute.  Rather than being focused on one sunset be focused on the horizon which is much vaster than a point that’s limited.

                                                In best regards thank you for your time,

                                                              

                                                               

                                 

Winding Back Clocks

 November 14, 2012      
          On occasion, I spend too much pondering upon the most unimportant things in life. And perhaps I make way too many excuses to be able to accomplish anything anymore. As a child I was a productive member of society, both strong mentally and physically. I had an unseen motivation lingering always pushing me to do a little better both in school and work as well as personal life. Ever since I started to make up excuses which were unjust things just began to slip. Why, is the question I present to myself every night? Where did I actually go wrong? For years I was so intrigued with science and math, language and art and this motivation suddenly went away. 

          I will be quite honest the premise of the very first part of this post is not to rant about anything, but somehow apologize to those which I have upset over the last few months. My head has grown too big for my own good, becoming a cocky man seeking always attention and not enough love to spread. Selling out myself like some prostitute in a skin tight dress on the corner of the polluted streets of New York City. However, it has grown far worse than thinking I am the best, it made me into the person who I am right now, at this point in my life. Rude, obnoxious and inconsiderate. I have been making up way too many excuses, "oh my life this... oh my life that...” without realizing how much I am hurting people around me. Perhaps it’s the fact that growing older truly has made me an unintelligent human being, regressing rather than progressing. Or perhaps it’s the sheer fact that laziness has gotten the best of me. Either way it’s an excuse I am not willing to make just stating facts. They say the best way to change you is first admitting to the facts and then following through. Studies show that after thirty days if you have initiated a change and have continued to go through with it you are on the right track. None of the things which I have done I can ever take back, regretting that I have done them is just a way of self-pity, but I want to change. The way I treated some of my friends, the way I have treated my peers, the way I have treated everyone around me. I feel like scum. They say those who break rules are scum; however those who treat their friends like shit are even worse scum. Perhaps it’s the family issues, no, no, I cannot say that. It is my own stupid mistakes which have caused this the rude comments, the cockiness, the unintelligent jokes. They are all holding me back or rather should I say I am holding myself back because I did not want to change. 

          The question is where I start making the change; well it has to come from me at first. The people I know and the people I am friends with only reason they treated me the way they did is because I treated them with respect and integrity. And that is where it all starts. The next part of this is realizing what ticked me to be this way and how I can wind it back. Or perhaps the better thing to do is winding it forward, as to skip over that which happened and move on. The more lingering that is done in the past the more I will be incapable of moving forward. I do not want to be the politician known as Robert Davis who lies about his policies. I do not want to be the CEO who cheats the ones who are below him and rather than raising their worth decreases their value. And for sure I do not want to be the bully which I have turned myself into. Whether it has been in my personal life, my business life, or anywhere else; I do not want to be who I am anymore. Sure being intelligent is one thing but it’s a whole other being a complete prick to those who have come to respect you for a whole other person that you are. Then changing because something stupid happened with your own messed up brain which you had the power to change but instead chose not to and ignored it and became a deteriorating piece of crap. In the past it is I who has helped out my friends but it’s time for me to declare that I am the friend that people do not deserve but the person who needs those around me. It is time to admit that I am not alone. But it is also time to admit that nobody deserves to be treated like they have been by me. 

          Perhaps this has no meaning to some of you, or perhaps some of you may connect how I feel right now. As we are almost half way through November and we have already winded back our clock, perhaps it is time to I rewind mind once again. Sometimes an old clock needs to be checked over and fixed before it can function again. That is exactly how I feel; an unproductive, insulting piece of crap. Perhaps I am seeking attention through this post, or perhaps I am looking for a motivation to become again the loving, kind person I was to my friends, my peers and everyone else around me. I hope if you read this you understand and I want you to know whether you are my friend, my foe, or somebody I have known for a long time. I am sorry. Nobody deserves to be treated like shit, and especially by a friend.